I’m losing it.
I thought that it’ll be perfectly fine. But people just can’t get through it, none of them. It’s like I’m the only one that’s feeling this, worrying about all of this, tortured by this feelings. And damn yes, I try to accept them as they who really are. But what do I get? Another emptiness, another sadness.
Failure? Do I fail from my effort to change my self? How bad I kicked my ass to be just what they want? From all this time that I’ve been ignoring all my own feelings just to save others?
Yes I’m tired of all of this. It’s a wreck. My life is a wreck. No matter how I’ve tried to ignore all of those reality, how I’ve struggle from it, life feels so crazy. Does anyone ever try to understand me? Care about me? Nah, I don’t think so. It’s kindda obvious that they just care about them selves. Not to think that I’m always vulnerable and fragile. I’m fighting over this life.
But they don’t seem to understand any of my fights. Would they ever gonna understand what I’ve been fighting for? What I’ve been through? This emptiness that has been rotting me all these years?
Then let it be blown away by the wind, let it be frozen by the ice, cracked by the time. I’m tired of crying, I’m tired that I always thought that I was left all alone. Like I’m living in a drama movies. This feelings just stayed there, the deepest of my heart. I’m tired of showing it cause I know nobody will listened. Nobody will give a damn for what I feel. It feels so cold, so empty. Like you can call it a stone. Like I have nobody to hang on to. Like you’re alone in this cruel and filthy world.
I always keeping my self strong, but I’m just losing it. I’m losing my hopes, my confidences, and the people I love. What I’ve done, never been enough for them.
Just tell me then, are my struggles worth anything in this world?
in the end, we just have to struggle for our selves and fight for what we want for our life
today, December 20, 2010
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